I slept for 17 hours today

A funny pic to offset my downer post
Today is the first day in a LOOOOONG TIME where I woke up feeling like a normal human being. It only took 17 hours of sleeping (with a few bathroom breaks thrown in) to get there. I'm happy for the much needed rest, but it also just reminds me of how abnormal and unhealthy my life is at this moment.



Now it's 9:40pm and I'm drinking my 2nd cup of coffee, getting ready to wake up for work. This week has been rough. Really rough. I've had some of the hardest days yet. Nursing is hard work. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. We get paid well, but not nearly enough for what we have to deal with on a regular basis. I am sick of changing a 200+lb patient's diaper by myself, not knowing what to do about 50% of the situations that happen to me because it's the FIRST TIME I'VE DEALT WITH IT BEFORE in my career, and constantly feeling like an idiot for asking questions every 5 minutes. I'll say it again- this is really rough right now.



So, Bryan has already gone to bed. I'm glad he is getting his rest, but I can't help but feel more depressed and a bit resentful that he gets to sleep now and I'm supposed to be revving up to start my job. Whoever chooses to work the night shift either: A)really needs the extra $$, B) has no life outside of work, C) only needs an average of 4 hours of sleep/day D) or has a few screws loose. (I hope none of my coworkers are reading this.)



I'm looking forward to this weekend which will amazingly start on Thursday! We are having sushi with Annie and Jared, then Friday we are off for another weekend in San Diego. But this time we are being smart. We are renting a car and taking some much, MUCH needed alone, couple time. (You can interpret that to mean whatever you like). Sorry to all of our friends who will want to hang out- that's what the wedding is for. The rest of the time I'm going to remember what it's like to be married, and find out how Bryan's life has been for the past month. We haven't even been married for a year- isn't this supposed to be the honeymoon period?! Not the "have a nice sleep, I'm going off to work so we won't sleep in the same bed for the nteenth time in a row" period. Meh.



I know, I know you may be thinking "well, be grateful for this job, be grateful that you have your health, blah, blah, blah". I am grateful, but also resentful at the same time. I can do that, right? I know I have no life threatening illness and no one in my immediate circle of peeps has died, but life is still hard now. I haven't worked out in forever, I have permanent bags under my eyes, and I've lost that happy Grace attitude I'm known for, HA! I will get it back though. I'm working on it. In the meantime I'll just vent a little.

Screaming patients that sound like cats

BIG NEWS...I finished writing my comp exam! It only took me about 16 pages in before I started to wonder, "Geez, I might not be able to write 20 pages... this is taking forever!"...then I realized I was writing it in 11 point font. The paper is supposed to be 12 point font. You'd think it doesn't make that big of a difference, but it does. My paper magically became 19 pages and I still had 2 sections to go. But I'm done and now I just need to get it proof read and I will have a semi-life again.

Work is going well- I am totally getting the hang of it and getting into a rhythm in my shift. It takes a lot to get me flustered now which is nice since the slightest hiccup would practically send me into tears in the beginning. I'm starting to realize that I'm not a night person. As much as I try to get into it, I just always feel tired and not myself. As soon as I can switch to a normal shift (i.e. waking hours) I am done with staying up all night. Save that for when we have babies and I am required to wake at odd hours.

So, the other night I came to work and went about my normal routine: put my stuff away in my locker, get out my supplies, and checked my patient assignment. As I was looking up my patients, I heard this weird shreaking sound. It honestly sounded like an animal. Another nurse came in and asked if there was a cat on the unit. No, it was a patient. To be more specific, it was the roommate of my patient (who was only slightly less insane). Between the Screamer and the other patient who would cuss you out if you tried to change his dirty diaper, it was an interesting night.

A few things I've learned from working on the night shift:

1) If a patient has any tendencies towards dementia it will come out at night!

2) Keep crazy patients asleep at all costs! (Just make sure they are still breathing)

3) Always be on guard- you don't want to get punched/kicked/strangled by a patient and it happens more than you think!

Halfway Done!

I'm halfway done with my comp exam! I've been writing for several days and I'm finally making some headway on this stupid paper. It's interesting finding the time to write. Usually after Homer goes to bed at 8:30-10:30pm, then I'm off to work. (OK, so I'm having a pity party for myself but I'm allowing it for the next month until this annoyance is out of my life). So glad the OCD part of my personality came out in organizing the articles, I have an awesome system filled with notecards and highlighting and (although I guarantee I'll never need to use it again since I'll never go back to school after I get this degree) it is nice to know I have a system in place...just in case.

Looking forward to going to work tonight THEN zooming home in the morning to quickly change out of my disease-laden scrubs just in time to get picked up by my carpool ladies to go to class ALL DAY. I will surely be a zombie woman. Luckily I get to sit through stimulating lectures on budgeting and health care reform, those are sure to keep me awake!

More posts soon- they should get more interesting the closer I get to finishing this paper.

Lazy Sunday

So, it's been awhile since I've posted anything primarily because I've had little time to catch my breath. Life is crazy busy- working nights, school, Homer, writing this comp exam (the equivalent of a thesis) have left me with little spare time. The picture on the left is Bryan and Homer relaxing on the couch watching football (yes, Homer is watching too) and being lazy on a Sunday afternoon. Bryan just took the Algebra portion of his CSET test yesterday and he's rewarding all of his studying efforts with a day glued to the couch. I, on the other hand, have spent the afternoon working on my comp exam outline and trying to make some sense of all of the notes (mostly chicken scratch) I've compiled. I have a 2 inch stack of research articles (that I actually read!) an I'm feeling like I'm finally getting somewhere with this paper. Now, I just need to start writing.

I also included a close up of Homer as I've had multiple requests for some updated pics. He's such a big boy now! He's lost all of his baby teeth (ate most of them before I could save them), grown in some powerful adult teeth, lost his puppy down and grown real doggy fur, and grown to a whopping 11 lbs! He's now 6 months old. Speaking of time, I just realized Bryan and I will reach our 6 month wedding anniversary tomorrow. That is mind-blowing to me, it seems like yesterday that we were planning and stressing about the big day. Now many of our friends are going through this process and we are lucky enough to sit back at our assigned tables and thank our lucky stars that it's no longer us!

Work is going well. I haven't killed anyone yet. I'm actually feeling more confident everyday. What I'm realizing is that I am not meant to be a bedside nurse for the eternity of my career. Everyday I see processes and systems failures within healthcare that are difficult, if not impossible, to change as a bedside nurse. I get satisfaction out of taking care of my patients and I undoubtedly see the importance of building a nursing career with a strong foundation in clinical nursing. However, my heart lies in improving the system and that is not at the bedside level. But one step at a time, right? I tend to get ahead of myself most of the time.